I met a girl today at a Nice Girls Club Empowerment Workshop. We will call her KK. She was so beautiful and full of energy. KK missed school yesterday and did not receive a Nice Girls Club book like all of the other students in the group. She was not very happy about it. I watched KK. She was very energetic and full of laughter. She could hardly sit still in her seat. She would lean on the table, her arms were flailing, her head was sometimes lying on the desk and sometimes upright, I even saw KK on the floor giggling at one point. KK's spirit was amazing. Did I mention how beautiful she was? She has long braids, beautiful deep brown eyes and chocolate skin. I just had to snap a picture with her, something just drew me to her. 

KK lives in a project development in Compton, Ca. Her life outside of school is challenging, which may affect her ability to "sit still." I think "sitting still" is for inanimate objects; I wonder if she is connected to spirit more than the rest of us which makes her so fun loving. KK sometimes climbs on top of her school building and hangs out on the roof. She gets into trouble with the school staff for doing this. 

I ended up going back to my car and finding a Nice Girls Club book for KK. I wrote a long note inside of the book, wrapped it in black and white tissue paper, placed a book mark inside and put it in a pink gift bag. I left the book at the front office of the school. I hope KK reads and enjoys her new book. I hope KK realizes how beautiful she is. 

Have you ever been Jealous of someone?

The Merriam Webster Dictionary defines Jealousy as an unhappy or angry feeling of wanting to have what someone else has. 

In my book Nice Girls Club, the main character Brianna targets and is unkind to her classmate, Asha, due to jealousy. I wanted to emphasize jealousy in my book because it can be the motivating factor to our unkind actions and feelings. 

Take a moment to think about the reasons why you were unkind to certain girls in your life….

Maybe you knew a girl that you thought was better looking than you, thinner than you, more charismatic than you, smarter than you… or she had more friends, a larger home, a larger family or fancy clothes. These small thoughts can lead to jealousy and jealousy can lead to unkindness. 

During a discussion with a group of 4th and 5th grade girls at one of my recent workshops, one of the students shared her story about a time when she felt jealous of a girl because the girl was pretty. 

Here is a a summary of the student’s story: 

The student and the girl were at a pool one afternoon. The student was overwhelmed with the emotional feeling of jealousy when she saw how pretty the girl looked in her bathing suit. She reacted to her feeling and pushed the girl into the pool. 

This story may sound appalling, but it is real! Most of us (including adults) have had similar experiences, whether we have thought about hurting someone, physically attacked or done something to hurt another person due to jealousy. 

To say you are jealous of another person is taboo; no one wants to admit that they are jealous. I commend the student in my workshop for having the courage to open up to the group about allowing her emotions to control her actions. 

The girls in the group later asked me “have I been jealous of someone.” My answer of course was, yes! This also forced me to reflect on the way I felt when experiencing the emotion of jealousy. 

One of the first steps to kindness is to be aware of the times when we were not “our best selves” and recognizing opportunities for improvement. 

It is also important to embrace, love and appreciate all of the unique qualities that make you, YOU. This will help prevent us from coveting someone else's things. Loving yourself will help to eliminate your desire to look like another girl or want the talents of other girls. 

We have the ability to control our thoughts which will help us to control our actions.  

Every Girl is A Nice Girl

What really is a nice girl? Is this limited to girls who frequently smile all the time, girls who are outgoing, girls who are popular and socially connected? Are nice girls free from mistakes? These are typical characteristics of what most may think is a nice girl, but I would like to challenge this ideal. All girls are nice girls! All girls truly want to be kind even when their behavior does not reflect kindness. 

There is a huge focus on bullying; where we often vilifying the bully while victimizing the bullied. But who wants to be the villain or the victim?

 Let’s attempt to alter our perception a little, and imagine the vicious bully as a nice girl. Lets imagine that her behavior is simply an emotional reaction to something stressful she is facing in another area of her life. The only way she knows how to cope with her stress is to inflict pain on others, be disruptive and impede on the happiness of others. 

Now the goal here is to realize, as the person being “bullied” by the “bully” that the bully is not simply hurting you because of you. The bully is merely reacting to her own pain, and for whatever reason you happen to be her target. 

How can we solve this situation? My resolution is empathy! Having the strength and courage to “put yourself in that person shoes,” and try to understand why this girl may be acting in a way that does not exemplify kindness. 

This is tough, I know! 

Most people’s initial reaction is to make an incident all about themselves, but I encourage you to put yourself aside for a moment and practice empathy. Remove yourself from victimhood and become a compassionate individual that has the strength to exercise understanding and kindness.

Practice altering your perception on things. View situations from different angles and turn occurrences inside out to get to the definitive why. Ask yourself, why is this girl not being the nice girl that she truly is? Instead of, why is she always bullying ME? 

Every girls is a nice girl, some may just need to empower themselves to be kind.