The Merriam Webster Dictionary defines Jealousy as an unhappy or angry feeling of wanting to have what someone else has.
In my book Nice Girls Club, the main character Brianna targets and is unkind to her classmate, Asha, due to jealousy. I wanted to emphasize jealousy in my book because it can be the motivating factor to our unkind actions and feelings.
Take a moment to think about the reasons why you were unkind to certain girls in your life….
Maybe you knew a girl that you thought was better looking than you, thinner than you, more charismatic than you, smarter than you… or she had more friends, a larger home, a larger family or fancy clothes. These small thoughts can lead to jealousy and jealousy can lead to unkindness.
During a discussion with a group of 4th and 5th grade girls at one of my recent workshops, one of the students shared her story about a time when she felt jealous of a girl because the girl was pretty.
Here is a a summary of the student’s story:
The student and the girl were at a pool one afternoon. The student was overwhelmed with the emotional feeling of jealousy when she saw how pretty the girl looked in her bathing suit. She reacted to her feeling and pushed the girl into the pool.
This story may sound appalling, but it is real! Most of us (including adults) have had similar experiences, whether we have thought about hurting someone, physically attacked or done something to hurt another person due to jealousy.
To say you are jealous of another person is taboo; no one wants to admit that they are jealous. I commend the student in my workshop for having the courage to open up to the group about allowing her emotions to control her actions.
The girls in the group later asked me “have I been jealous of someone.” My answer of course was, yes! This also forced me to reflect on the way I felt when experiencing the emotion of jealousy.
One of the first steps to kindness is to be aware of the times when we were not “our best selves” and recognizing opportunities for improvement.
It is also important to embrace, love and appreciate all of the unique qualities that make you, YOU. This will help prevent us from coveting someone else's things. Loving yourself will help to eliminate your desire to look like another girl or want the talents of other girls.
We have the ability to control our thoughts which will help us to control our actions.